Life (so far) has taught me two very distinct truths about myself: I will never be normal, and I am not at all patient. From the moment I entered this world, this has been true. I mean, when you're a breech baby, doing the splits, that shows up three months before your due date, it's pretty much set in stone. The normal thing, I can deal with. Normal people are boring, and I'd hate to be boring. It's the patience I am constantly finding myself fighting with.
Big or small, I don't deal well with waiting. Honestly the wait for Friday to get here, to curl up in the sky box with one of my best friends after eating red velvet cake to watch The Lucky One just seems too far away! I want to get out of this house. Spend some time with people who get me... and not having to listen to constant arguing would be a dream. So I tap my foot impatiently, wishing my week away, waiting.
The big stuff is harder though. Watching through the trailer for the movie again, I find a deeper longing calling out to me, begging to be filled sooner, rather than later. I want this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgdVhUbrq0s Not Zac Efron specifically. (Although, if that is an option, sign me up!) I want to be loved... loved for being me. Weird, impatient me. Loved with an assurance, and a depth that I can't currently comprehend.
I know I'm already loved like that. On some level, I recognize that God loves me more that I will ever understand and that nothing can separate me from that love... but as a single girl, seeing her friends finding love, I long for something tangible, someone that can reflect a small piece of God's love for me here. Now.
Uh, I feel like Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. "I want a party with room fulls of laughter. Ten thousand tons of ice cream. And if I don't get the things I am after... I'm going to screammmm...."
And so, at the risk of becoming a spoiled whiny brat, I pray. Not for patience mind you... I never pray for patience until I'm ready to be tested... Even though I find myself tested regardless. I pray for God's will in my life... even in my love life, which is really almost non-existent, even at the age of 23. I let Him remind me that everything will happen in his time, and my complaining and worrying won't speed up the process one iota. Something that is far too easy to forget in my opinion. And I shall go to work on my next book... not only is it free therapy, it's kind of nice to see my characters find love and end up where they need to be, even if it doesn't happen the way they want it to. Kind of like God writing my love story I guess. Just like the shirt says! http://jcluforever.bigcartel.com/product/my-love-story Oh this makes me want to buy this shirt.
Any who, thanks for listening to this impatient crazy rant for a bit. I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way... even if it feels like I am at times. Drop a line if you know exactly what I'm talking about. Or if you have any advice for me! Love you!
<3 Kayla
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