Failure

  Sometimes, you have to let yourself fail. I am not a failure by nature. I'm the kind of girl that would almost have a panic attack at the thought of getting anything less than an A in school. Failure was not only not an option, it wasn't even on the horizon of options.
  But tonight, I'm being brave. I'm letting myself fail. I managed 800 more words today in my first chapter. Not all of them good. Not all of them the best they could possibly be. But I sat down determined that I was going to finish my goal of completing the first chapter tonight and did my best to just write what came and not over think it. As you can tell, that worked out well for me. So, I'm packing it in for the night. I'm letting my bedding finish drying and then I am going to go to sleep, chapter incomplete...
  For a perfectionist like me, it's not easy. But neither is staring at a semi-blank page doubting myself again. I would rather go to bed now and let myself think through this chapter a little more, and have to work a little harder down the road, then torture myself with unpleasant thoughts until I hate the chapter so much I want to delete it.
  My main goal is still to finish this book and have it readable by mid December. And I will continue to make smaller goals for myself each day. If, at the end of the day, I didn't reach my goal, but managed to write more than I did the day before, I will accept my failure with a smile and a light heart.
  Perhaps writing this book will teach me that failure is okay... something to learn from and grow from instead of dreading, hiding and avoiding it like the plague. So my failure for the day includes a small growth in word count, and a step towards a future success... and maybe even healing for this perfectionist mindset.
  So good night my friends. I'm hoping tomorrow will bring more growth, more words, and a chapter or two. We'll see what the day holds. And I'll do better at avoiding distractions. Until then.
<3 Kayla