The First Bump in the Journey

  Didn't take long, did it? On the one hand, I did manage to get a good chunk of the basic outline done yesterday. But, the chapter writing came to a stand still after only 160 words... words that I had already jotted down as the opening to this book. I didn't even get them all typed before the doubts started.
  What was I writing? Why did I seem to think it was any good? Isn't it too similar to my past story lines? Am I just a one note author? Is it different enough? exciting enough? funny, emotional, dramatic, romantic enough? Where am I going with it? What do I want to learn? What does God want me to learn from it? What does he want me to teach others with it? I worry that I'm not good at this writing thing, and that even worse I'm just not good enough in general.
  All of these questions and doubts and fears seem to assail me at the perfectly wrong times... but then, I suppose there isn't a right time for them. In a Heart to Heart with Holley recently, she talked about how people often think something is wrong with them when they are different. She asks us to go back and ask ourselves not "What's wrong with me?", but "What does it say about what really matters to me?”
  Obviously my writing matters to me. Aside from a brief time as a child where I considered being a chiropractor, writing is really all I have ever wanted to do. And I am scared to death that I might not be good enough to do it. That this dream career I've been clinging to for so long isn't meant for me. I honestly don't know what I would do without this dream, this want to write, these characters in my head that hold a little bit of me inside of themselves. I think this fear is what stops me in my tracks. These thoughts are what keep my fingers from gliding across the keyboard to bring words, characters, situations to life.
  It might be crazy and stupid and ridiculous... lies right from the pit... and most of the time I know that's what these thoughts are. It's those moments when I freeze in their headlights that it's tough to remember the truth.
  The truth is that I have been called to use the gifts that God has given me. I don't think I would have even considered writing if I didn't have the talent for it. The truth is that writing is almost as much a part of me as breathing. The truth is that I fall asleep and wake up to book scene ideas, characters talking or arguing in my head. And the truth is that I don't have to be like any one else in my writing style or plot choices or characters.
  So on my very first day of this new writing journey, I encountered an old fear in this new bump in the road. But I will keep plugging through. I will try to stop listening to all of the lies, push past them with my earmuffs on, and do my best to write truthfully without judging myself so harshly.
  Day Two, I'm hoping to finish chapter one and at least start chapter two of my writing, and finish the basic outline. I also have to fit in grocery shopping and doing some questions for my new devotional (called Captivating. So far, loving it. Highly recommend for all you ladies out there.) Prayers please! I need them.
<3 Kayla