I know it may not be normal, but I get so ridiculously attached to my favourite characters, whether they be from books, TV shows or movies, that I laugh when they laugh, hurt when they hurt, and long for their happy endings just as much (if not more) than they do. I yell at my TV screen when people interrupt Castle and Beckett having a moment; I almost started hyperventilating when I thought they killed Prince Charming on the new show Once Upon a Time (a great show that I'm literally recommending to everyone by the way, especially if you're a fan of fairy tales and great twists on familiar story lines... http://shows.ctv.ca/OnceUponATime/video.aspx ... Please feel free to watch and hate the Evil Queen with me); there have been times when I've even been compelled to pray for characters in a book I'm reading when they go through a rough time, and I have to stop and remind myself that they aren't real, and neither are the problems they face.
That my friends is what I call amazing writing! I found out yesterday that one of the guys in a book series I'm reading (Winds of Change by Julie Lessman by the way... one of my favourite authors, who you should definitely read if you're a hopeless romantic like me) cheats on his wife! Now I only got to read an excerpt of the book since it's not out until next year, so I don't know if it was just a kiss or if he actually slept with her, but it highly depressed me! So much so that I started writing in my head how his wife would react to this... while I was trying to sleep. It's bad enough when my own book characters won't let me rest, but when it's someone else's characters, it seems a little more odd. But I've been following the O'Connor family since Julie's first series (Daughters of Boston), and I just feel so connected to them that I almost can tell how they're going to react to things. And trust me, his wife is probably going to react badly.
I know, I know, I sound a bit crazy. It's probably the writer in me. I thrive on imagination. The weird thing is, yesterday I also reached another level of emotional connection with my own characters. Yesterday for some reason was not an easy day for me. I don't know if it was the lack of sleep, or the weather, or just life in general... but I got to this point where I felt so much like Cassie that I was sure that God was just trying to get me to understand how it felt to be her just a little bit more.
For those of you who know nothing about Cassie as a character, I'll enlighten you. She is a twenty-two year old theater worker in a small town, where she still lives with her family after her mom dies. I'm aware, in that little blurb there is no possible way that she could be more like me (well aside from age). Over the last month or two though, I feel like I've been more isolated like she has. Cass has a tendency to hold everyone at arms length, and keep to herself. Now my isolation has only been partly created by myself. (I do tend to hide out in my room when I'm not working on the basement or at work.) As I've mentioned it past posts, I've been feeling more alone lately. (Yes Lisa, I know we text every day, but again, not quite the same as visiting in person with someone :P)
But yesterday... I hit a level of hurt that I haven't felt in years. I missed my mom. Not a quick passing thought like it usually is. I felt like my heart was breaking in two inside of me. This is a rare feeling for someone who's edging close to a decade of living without their mother, but during that moment of tears and pain yesterday I felt so much closer to Cassie that the hurt was even stronger. She has a scene where she breaks down and finally lets herself cry for the loss of her Mom, and I felt like I was living that feeling. A Dean to hold me would have been nice, but just knowing that I can still feel that deeply lets me know that I can re-write that scene from a place so honest that hopefully my readers will be compelled to pray for Cassie like I am for the characters that touch me. And just maybe, helping Cassie start on that road of healing will help me too. I'm thinking God knew that when he put this story on my heart to write, and while I was hurting yesterday. And so for that, I'll be thankful. To quote Emma in one of Julie Lessman's novels, "There's a great gift in pain."
For any of you who are missing your own mother's today, or are just grateful to have the amazing mothers you have, I'm going to share a song. It's kind of what made me cry yesterday, but I think there can also be something very therapeutic about tears... and it is just an amazing song. It's Like My Mother Does by Lauren Alaina. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gX-04oKskFs I hope you enjoy it.
I also hope that you can find some characters that you feel that connection to. Lord willing, one day perhaps they'll be characters of my own imagination's making.
<3 Kayla
No comments:
Post a Comment