Missing You

Dear Mom,
  It's been an interesting year for me.  I don't know how it's happened.  I mean, it's been almost a decade since we said good bye, and yet, I've come back into a painful place of missing you that I haven't felt in years.  It's not every day, not all the time, but it's there.
  I've gone through a couple firsts this year.  I finished the first complete draft of my first novel, and I'm starting my first re-write.  Part of me wonders if maybe Cass dealing with her own grief issues aren't bringing back mine.  I went on my first date too.  Oh, how I wished that you were here for that.  I know I went to talk to you, could almost even hear your gentle laugh and an I told you so as I laid out my questions and concerns, but it's not the same.  I wanted your advice, your teasing about wondering what I'd wear, a hug so I could smell that unique mix of factory and vanilla that always seemed to comfort me when you got home from work.
  This time of year reminds me of you.  We haven't had snow yet, which you would be happy about, and of course it's making me miserable because unlike you, I love the snow.  I'm almost hoping though that your yearly wish comes true.  Snow from Christmas Eve through Christmas... even if it is magically gone by Boxing Day like you always hoped it would be.
  We still open our presents on Christmas Eve.  I'm glad you started that because I honestly think Randy would drive over here at 12:01am and make us get up to open presents if you didn't.  Don't worry, I'll remind his kids to get him up early when he has them... that is of course if he isn't jumping on their beds telling them they have to go open their stockings, like he always did with me.
  I miss making fun of Dad with you.  He bought a pink shirt Mom.  And he wears it.  Don't worry though, Ran and I have teased him enough that he no longer wears it around us.  But I would have loved to hear your jabs at it.  You always managed to get in some good ones when no one was expecting it.
  I don't want to depress anyone today, or make them feel sorry for me, (things I am probably epically failing at right now), I just wanted to talk to you, let you know you're in my heart always, and let others know that they aren't alone if they're missing someone this holiday season too.
  So I hope you and Grandpa are up there, enjoying the majesty of heaven.  Tell him to share the cookie they dropped off yesterday, with you and Rock too.  I'm honestly not sad for any of you, just sad for those of us missing the warmth of your smiles, the light of your laughter, and the comfort of home in your embrace.  I miss you all just as much as I loved you while you were here, and still love you.  My heart and my life wouldn't have been complete without you in it, and I thank God for the blessings you were and are for me.
<3 Kayla
P.S. Seriously, it doesn't feel like Christmas without snow.  I'm currently praying for some (I know you hated when we did that in church), but if you could put in a word with God for me and tell him even just enough to cover the ground on Christmas Day would suffice, I'd be ecstatic.