Well, after several difficult weeks of wallowing in my writer's block misery, it appears that I have found my way back to as much sanity as I can muster, and am writing again! This would be the good news. I'm just glad that my imaginary friends are speaking to me again... although they have yet to tell me what I did to upset them so much for those three weeks or so. Lets just hope I don't repeat it, or you might have to hear me complain about it again. Would hate to do that to you... or to myself for that matter.
I'm finding however, that as I delve into my writing, and try to figure out how Cass is dealing with the different things going on in her life, that I've become an emotional mess. I kid you not... I'm tearing up at ACMA nominations being announced. I can understand Hallmark commercials... those people are out to get everyone crying and buying their expensive cards and Christmas ornaments, but really? Tearing up because some of my favourite artists were nominated for awards?
It's more than that really. Although it still feels ridiculous. I am aware that I am a girl and as such have the right to fluctuate emotions at will, but I'm being hit double barrel by some things I'd rather not deal with in my life... things I would rather avoid, issues I would like to pretend don't exist. Somehow, Cass dealing with her own problems makes me deal with mine. And of course bring out all my self doubt as I'm writing this that perhaps I'm not dealing with either of our issues properly.
I don't know if my feelings of self doubt, my apparently self imposed isolation, my worrying that I'm not enough, not lovable, is my reflected Cassie's emotions, or if Cass is reflecting my own emotions. The line between us is so blurred to me. Where do I end, and she begins? I wonder if all writers deal with this during their first novel... or all of their writing. I hope I don't end up with multiple personalities from being a writer. :P
I guess time will tell for both of us. Now that I've shared my lovely insecurities for the day, I should get back to my writing. I'm on a self imposed deadline you know. For taking your time out to read this rambling, I'll leave you with some Rascal Flatts. Perhaps I'll get to the scene in my book today where this song comes in to play. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuL0SJiAOcM&ob=av2e (The guy in the video isn't ugly either.) Enjoy.
<3 Kayla
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